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What You Shouldn't Waste Time Thinking When You're Looking For Love

Slogan Socks From Topshop, White Converse Trainers

Disclaimer: I am by no means a relationship expert nor do I claim to be. I am however fully proficient at being single having accrued many years experience.

Disclaimer Part Two: I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with being single. Having a partner in your life is not the be all and end all. You do not need another person to validate your existence. YOU are enough. 

Disclaimers aside, the last time I was single I felt a teeny tiny pressure to make out to the world that I was happy that way. My ego told me 'you'll come across as weak you daft loner' and 'the world will wonder what's wrong with you if you WANT a man but don't actually HAVE a man.

What sort of sassy go getter admits to actually wanting a man in her life when women can finally live successful lives flying solo?  

So I was faced with a problem. I wasn't that happy single. I wanted to meet that special someone. Someone who would sweep me off my feet and whisk me away into the sunset. I wanted someone to share my life with. I wanted him to be handsome and the occasional present wouldn't go amiss. To sum up, I wanted a hot man bearing gifts.

I can't say I did a good job of pretending I was happy foot loose and fancy free either. I put less effort into making out I was a happy single and more effort into actually making out. It was my weekend ritual, get dolled up to the nines, scour local bars for THE ONE. This could be THE night. Drink a touch to much. Go home. It never was THE night.

They say a watched pot never boils. I figure looking for love works in the same way. 

If you want something too much you run the risk of getting in your own way. The very minute I finally relaxed, I met my boyfriend. I say relaxed, I mean drank Malibu all day at a music festival. He was a friend of a friend who bumped into us in the middle of a field of thousands of people watching Basement Jaxx. What are the chances? The funny thing is, I'm not even that into Malibu...or Basement Jaxx.

For all my worrying and wishing he was on his way all along.  

So what about you? Are you single and looking for love? Do you feel like Heartbreak Hotel is your life anthem? Does Bridget Jones have more luck with men than you do? Then I'd like to share with you the thoughts you have when you're looking for love and why you should absolutely forget them:

#1 I'll Never Meet Anyone
You will. So you can't for the life of you think where you might meet him, or who he might be? You don't need to know the answers to these questions now. They'll be revealed soon enough. Focus your thoughts on what type of person you'd like to meet. What qualities will he have? That's all the wondering you need to do.

#2 I Should Face It I'm Past My Best
You haven't even reached your best yet. Don't believe me? Find an old photo of yourself wearing an exceptionally bad outfit. I rest my case!

#3 Perhaps I Should Work Things Out With My Ex
He's your ex for a reason. It's easy to look back when looking forward means looking into the unknown. Always push forward, there's something better on the way.

#4 Maybe I'm Not The Type Of Girl Guys Want To Date
You absolutely are. I was so bored and ready to meet Mr Right that I'd gotten into the habit of partying like there was no tomorrow. Why oh why can't I meet someone nice? Try a whiff of Gin and outlandish dancing as a couple of reasons! What energy are you giving out?

#5 Maybe He'll Grow On Me
He won't. Take this from a girl who once dated a guy (briefly) who was quite good looking when he kept his hat on. In the interests of finding true love it's fun to explore different avenues, but be honest with yourself. Do you fancy him or do you fancy the idea of fancying him?

I hope this post has brought comfort to you on a rainy Sunday. Don't despair if you're feeling alone, you never know who is on their way...


(I've been reading a spiritual book this weekend, can you tell??) All else failed relax with a Malibu and let him find you!

Thanks for reading. Don't forget Not Your Nine To Five is on Twitter and Instagram Come over and say hi x x 


  1. This is literally the best blog post I could've found today, and it was just by chance via Twitter! Every single one of those points is what I've been thinking for the past year and a bit. I've been through a few rough instances dating wise and I've just lost faith in men in general! It's also the longest amount of time I've spent single and ALL of my friends are in relationships. I repeat, ALL of them. It's also a really exciting point in my life as I'm finishing uni and will be off into the world of work, so I know that I'll be meeting new people, I'm only 22 etc but it's hard to be patient when everyone around you are finding someone! This whole post rings so true with me and it's given me a little boost for the day, so thank you so much!

    Imogen // imogenscribbles.co.uk

    1. I'm so glad you found this post and it really means a lot that it's given you a little boost!
      It's really hard when all your friends are in relationships and your not isn't it! I had resigned myself to the fact I'd never meet anyone nice and then out of nowhere it happened! I wasted so much time thinking I'd be alone forever!
      You'll meet someone I'm certain and I hope he's bloody marvellous :) x x


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