Breaking Up With Booze - An Open Letter

Writing A Break Up Letter To Alcohol

Dear Booze,

By the time you read this I'll be sober! There's no easy way to say this so I'll just come straight out with it. It's over.

It's not me, it's you!

Don't try and talk me out of it. My minds made up.


As you know, I'm on the wrong side of 30 and things just aren't the same between us. You take too much out of me. I want life to be simpler, less exhausting. Let's face it, you've never truly had my best interests at heart. You know as well as I do there are questions that you still can't answer!
Why exactly did I wake up after that night out in Manchester to find my purse wedged in the letterbox? I asked you for answers, but you couldn't give me any.
If you cared for me like you claimed you did, then how do you explain our night at the top of The Shard? I know you remember that night. The silent disco at the top of The Shard started out as an unbelievably amazing night and ended up with 'the incident.'

'Just one more drink, just one more drink' is all well and good until I'm feeling nauseous in a lift and out of time to make it to a toilet. I still miss that handbag. It was a good one. Went with everything. Yes it's just a handbag, but the point is it ended up ruined. As did I.
I left my dignity in that lift. And part of my dinner. I refuse to be the cause of anymore slip hazards.
There's other things that bug me. The holiday to Turkey for one. About six years ago or something now, but I still get sent the Timehop photos from friends. I don't know what haunts me more, dancing on the bar, or the saggy crotched hareem pants I was wearing?
What about the time you swore blind the guy I met in that bar was the spitting image of Matt Horne, from Gavin & Stacey? Kept your distance on our first and only official date didn't you! My date and Matt both had heads. The beginning and the end of the similarities.
Look, it wasn't my intention to rake up old stories or to give you a hard time. I had my part to play in all of this and I accept that. For 15 years you've played a big part in my social life and it hasn't all been bad I know. We've celebrated life's events and we've definitely had fun at times. We just don't bring out the best in each other when we spend too long together.

Somehow now, possibly as the Gin wears off, I have a sense of clarity. A sense that says no to loosing chunks of my night and turning to friends to fill in the blanks. A sense that says no to waking up in a tent at a music festival with a panty liner stuck to my back.
I will not be involved in any 'incidents' from now on, be they in 95 storey skyscrapers or not. Things are changing. I'm taking a stance. Never again will a lift attendant have to get a mop out on my accord!
Perhaps you saw this coming? We haven't been spending as much time together lately.
I'm not saying we can't still be friends. But we'll JUST be friends. Lets still see each other, but not until 5am like we used to. Yeah? 
Thanks for the memories... or lack of.
Your dearest, slightly embarrassed friend x
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Hope you enjoyed this post. Thanks so much for reading. If you decided to tone down the ole boozing like me, what Gin fuelled moments would be in your break up letter? I'd love to hear!  
You can follow Not Your Nine To Five on Twitter here and Instagram here.  x x 

5 comments

  1. This is brilliant!

    Don't think I'm ready (just yet) to give up booze but when I do I'll probably be penning a similar letter.

    DippyWrites

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    1. Haha, It's not an easy split to make is it!! :)) I'll be honest with you, I was really in the mood for a Prosecco after writing this!!

      Thanks so much for your comment x x

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  2. This is so funny - I stopped drinking a few years ago and I definitely feel better for it (also, it makes nights out a lot cheaper!)

    Sammy xo.

    www.littlefickle.com

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    1. Yay glad you enjoyed it! Well done you on lasting a few years without drinking! Goals for me there! I definitely won't miss the hangovers x x

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  3. Great post, funny.
    I'm not quite ready yet either but do feel it coming.
    Great website "Hello Sunday Morning" for people who have quit booze. Very positive.
    Good luck with it �� Elaine

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