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12 Things That Always Happen At Christmas

Just three more sleeps until the big day! 

Before you know it that jolly old chap, whose been flying the flag for the fuller figure since day dot, will be slipping down our chimneys and emptying his sack in our tinsel adorned front rooms once again.

Get your Rennies at the ready as the season of good will to all men, and over-indulgence sets in.

*Other forms of heartburn and indigestion treatments are available.
Christmas Decorations, Christmas Baubles, Fairy Lights

12 things that always happen at Christmas:

#1 You wake up with a raging hangover. You had every intention of taking it easy the night before but then The Pogue's Fairytale Of New York came on and well, everything just got too exciting.

Your Mum asks 'Has he been???' even though you're 31.

#3 If your single, you wonder if the guy you fancy will text you Happy Christmas. If he does you'll take it as a sign he's in love. Unless he only texts in the evening. Then he's a player.

If your not single, you wonder if your fella will pop the question. Not, "did you keep the receipt?"
It's not that you expected a ring, but, the women at work have suggested it and whizzed you up into a storm of excitement so now you are absolutely convinced that YES, he will propose.

He doesn't.

Receive a gift from someone you didn't expect to and make a mad dash to rummage through your booze cupboard for a bottle of plonk and a gift bag!

See straight through your friend's heartfelt Christmas Wishes text. You can spot a group text a mile off.

Sense tension in the kitchen as the pressure of entertaining hits, and retreat to the safety of the lounge. You can hear your Mum swear, 'she's not doing all this next year.'

But she always does.

Feel a teensy bit bored by midday, like you could do to leave the house and actually do something BUT never admit it. You never kill the Christmassy vibe.

Have a drink with lunch and need a nap by 3pm.

Huddle round to watch the Queen's speech together then say 'Well I didn't think much to that.'

Eat your own body weight in food but still fancy a mince pie.

#12 Find the elasticated waistband of your new Christmas pyjamas a God send. 'Oh go on then I will just open that selection box.'

Have I missed any out?? Let me know if you can add any to the list!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this post. Hope you all have the nicest Christmas!

If that text from someone special doesn't come through early doors, then sod it! Fix yourself a Yule Mule and throw on a glitzy top.

Don't forget you can follow Not Your Nine To Five on Twitter here and Instagram here x x

Life Lately: Living With A Boy

I'm writing this little update from the comfort of my new gaff. Strictly speaking, I'm writing from the comfort of my boyfriend's gaff.

"Mi casa es su casa," he said even though he's not Spanish. I took it as a verbal contract, packed my clobber, and tried to get first dibs on the left hand side of the bed.
Fingers crossed I don't loose my marbles and start drinking brandy, neat, (again) or I'll be on the blower to my Dad faster than you can say "Daaaaad, gizza hand with all this stuff wuddya?"(again)
I had some worries about leaving the sanctity of my own flat which you can read about here.

Fear of squashed cushions and piles of change aside, I decided it's now or never, and feel so much happier for making a decision. I'm a bugger for overthinking and worrying. Who isn't? I felt a weight lift when I made the decision to worry less and live more! Well to definitely try!

Apart from...
*One post IKEA trip bank balance related panic attack
*One bedroom light fitting dispute (ongoing)
*One discovery of significant other, drunk and snoring on the floor at 3am (him, not me)
...Things are working out wonderfully!
If you found your other half drunk and snoring on the carpet, would you, a) wake him and put him to bed or, b) leave him and let him learn the hard way? Do tell ... and ease my conscience.
Thanks so much for reading. Not Your Nine To Five is on Twitter here and Instagram here x x
Dear Universe, please don't let the happy content of this post tempt fate. I've gone off Brandy. Ta
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