From Thong To Brief: The Evolution Of A Relationship

Don't ask where the inspiration for this post came from. The idea struck and I decided it's either absolute genius, or a sign I need to up my Evening Primrose Oil, again. I'll let you lovely people be the judge.

As your relationship evolves, so to will your choice of thunder crackers. It's a natural process that happens to us all. Or at least I hope it happens to us all.

This is a journey from thong to brief. If, in the unlikely event that you are a male of a sensitive disposition, in the early stages of a relationship, you might want to look away now.

Your First Few Dates and THE THONG
Ladies Black Lace Thong
I want you to find me sexy, but don't be thinking I'm a brazen harlot. Take me home to meet your Mother, I'm a lovely girl.
'The First Date Thong' is more than just a tongue twister. We have Sisqo to thank for the insight into the male psyche when it comes to thongs. When the time feels right for you to whip out your undies, let the lucky suitor see a classy lace thong. (If a thong can ever be described as classy, but you know what I mean).

You're not seeing anyone else but it's still early days and THE FANCIER THONG
Agent Provocateur Lace Thong
I'm feeling more comfortable with you, and heck secure enough to be a bit more playful too. Don't you be looking elsewhere, you won't find fancier thongs anywhere else. P.S It's Agent Provocateur so yeah I like nice presents. Write that down if you need to.
You're getting the vibe that this one might just like you. He's come back for more after all, plus he seems to have got the message that you're not just a one night hussy. You're a gal of substance. Bring out the fancy pants without fear of being judged.

You're definitely exclusive and THE LITTLE SATIN BRIEF
Ted Baker Ladies Knickers
And breathe...a little bit. This one's almost in the bag. I'm relaxing more and more with you, but check out the lace back to my pants. That's right, I'm still keeping things sexy. Well a bit.
It's official! You're an item! I'm talking Facebook relationship status updated and everything. These little satin knickers will lure him into a false sense of security. He will, poor thing, think these are your big pants. He doesn't know anything yet.

You're in love and THE FRENCH KNICKERS/SHORTS
French Knickers
I know by now that you love me enough to cope with a larger pant. I love you enough to let them be lace ones.
The emergence of the larger pant signifies you're in a 'proper' relationship. Congratulations! The parents have been met and you're part of the furniture round at his Mums. The 'dates' as such have eased off and you're hanging out with each other most nights. It's highly probable that the two of you can be found curled up on the sofa watching The Great British Bake Off (whether he wants to or not, I mean you put up with Top Gear repeats, it's only fair).


You're in it for the long haul and THE BIG BRIEF
Pink ladies briefs
So I'm assuming you have feelings for me by now. How do you feel about cotton briefs? I'm so happy that you've seen me in these and are still around.
Cast your mind back to your first few dates. You would've died on the spot if he'd have seen you in your big pants. I can feel a flush of horror just imagining it. See how far you've come as a couple. You have by now probably broken wind in front of him. He'll feel comfortable enough to ask/accuse you of it anyway. Always deny it, ALWAYS! He'll also feel comfortable enough to make 'parachute' remarks. Ignore these.

As your love for each other grows, so does the size of a gals pants. This is a scientific fact. Probably.

Now because it means so much to me that you've taken the time to read this post, let me leave you with a pearl of wisdom. There is a point beyond the big cotton pants. Try at all costs to avoid going there.
You may well know already what I'm talking about. That certain pair of pants lurking at the back of your drawer. You know the pair, the ones that you don't even want your fella to see. What can be worse than a pair of big briefs you ask? Try colour faded, tiger print, cotton pants...
I know, I know, ghastly aren't they? Very Del Boy. They came in a multipack, I'm not wholly to blame. I don't even know why I still have them. Maybe I'll start a bad pant amnesty and throw out my horrendous ones. Well, after one more wear!

Has your relationship followed a similar pant pattern? Do you have pants that can match my holy horrors?

Don't forget you can say hello on Twitter here and Instagram here ! Thanks so much for reading. x x

6 comments

  1. hahaha I'm still laughing, thanks so much for this!! I can picture my pair even worse than my big briefs!!

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    1. Yay I'm not the only one :) So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the lovely comment x x

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  2. This was hilarious and so spot on!! X

    http://www.ode2vogue.blogspot.com

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    1. So glad you enjoyed it! Turns out we really are all harbouring a shockingly bad pair of knickers... I knew it! :) Thanks for taking the time to comment x x

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  3. I cried laughing at this! So true and now I'm not so ashamed of my Bridget Jones knickers! xx

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    1. #TeamBridget ;) Glad you enjoyed reading it! So nice of you to take the time to comment x x

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