Snag A Man For The Long Haul: The Moustache Theory

What I posted on social media: Two weeks until me and the boy hit two years together! Hope we're still holding hands when we're old and grey!

What really happened: I took a sneaky snap of this couple when I nipped to Marks and Spencer for my lunch the other day. It was just after pay day, I was feeling flush.
Assuming that the love birds hadn't just hooked up via Tinder, I couldn't resist taking their photo. They looked so sweet. How nice it must be to have someone to hold your hand in your older years. 
Especially for my generation when a lifetime of supping Prosecco will well and truly have taken it's toll.

My romantic musings were interrupted momentarily when I noted he wasn't pulling her shopper for her. But hey, why spoil a beautiful moment? I chose to assume she'd turned down his gentlemanly offer of assistance. The sassy, confident woman wanted to pull her own god damn shopper! It could well be the case. Let's face it, she's certainly made sure she's snagged her man. The minx.

Seeing the pair glide down the escalator and off into the sunset, well off through Marks and Sparks level one exit, raised a question. How do we keep a man keen through our pull along shopper years?

In the quest for the answer, I delved deep into the male psyche. (I asked my boyfriend a question and wrote down what he said).

Without further ado here are the findings from my complex study.

The question I asked, "What would put you off a woman?"

His answers:

#1 A Moustache: You might laugh but this was his first answer, which, I might add, came to him immediately. Naturally I chose to ignore my concerns that his subconscious had caused him to spurt this out while sitting across from me in a badly lit room, with an unfortunate 6 o'oclock shadow cast across my chops.

#2 Muscles: Don't overdo it in the gym with the weights. A natural feminine shape is more appealing. How marvellous. I will pop that pizza in the oven after all.  Nice to know I'm at no risk of loosing him to point number two.

#3 A Nasty Girl: A mean girl who is cruel to others wouldn't stand a chance.
Roald Dahl sums this up in this quote worth remembering, "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."
No mention of facial hair. He could be on to something with the 'moustache theory.'

#4 A Bunny Boiler: Are you familiar with the term? If not, pop the film Fatal Attraction on and bob back to this blog, after checking on your household pets.
I think all females have the possibility to have teensy tiny elements of the bunny boiler in us. No? Just me?? From my experience if a man is bringing out these tendencies in you, then you should head for the hills anyway petal, or Holland & Barrett for some Evening Primrose Oil.

#5 A Gobshite: Please do pardon my beloved's French. I considered toning down his foul language, but then that wouldn't be an honest account of the inner workings of the male mind would it. I asked him to elaborate. A loud mouthed 'lady' who doesn't put much thought into what she's saying before she broadcasts her every thought to the entire room.

The summary of my extensive findings, which you're free to print out and keep a copy in your purse:

Keep your facial hair at bay, bleach or wax as necessary.

Take care of your body but don't overdo it. Why strive to change what mother nature gave you?

Don't make nasty comments, unless your man is out of earshot. If you have stick-out teeth SMILE anyway!

Keep your inner gobshite at bay, avoid that one Sambuca shot too many.

Finally, don't take your frustrations out on his pet rabbit. Or if you find yourself crouched in the bushes 'keeping an eye on him', you're on a loosing streak. Creep out of his gooseberry bush and never breath a word about the night vision goggles you're flogging on Ebay.


Thanks so much for reading. Feel free to take heed of the 'moustache theory' towards securing a man for the long haul. Alternatively take no notice whatsoever! Remember, we can always pull our own shopper anyway!!

Hope you're having a great weekend. Now where the hell did I put my Jolen Creme Bleach? xx

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5 comments

  1. It's a good job that my other half isn't as particular about tashes ;-)

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  2. Great post! That old couple look so cute - I hope me and Hubster are like that when we're old! I've just found your blog and I love your style of writing - very witty!

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  3. I really enjoyed reading this, funny and witty and probably quite true! I really do think blokes are put off by a nasty girl who has a bad word about anyone. Especially his friends, don't slag off your Boyfriend's friends! :-)
    xx Bobbyanne
    PromisingBeauty.blogspot

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    1. I'm with you on that one Bobbyanne, the friends are a no go area!
      So glad you enjoyed reading it x x

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  4. They're sweet aren't they!
    Thanks so much for that comment. You've brightened my morning...I usually find myself sulking a bit on a Tuesday :)
    Glad you like it x

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